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Introduction:

Do you find yourself in love yet unhappy in your relationship? Have you contemplated or even sought out help with therapy? Have you read the many therapy books written by the experts but found them simply describing your unhappy relationship without any real guidance for how to overcome your unhappiness? Congratulations! You have found this site. Your journey on the road back to where you started with your partner in life has just begun, back to the time where the both of you were happy and in love.

If you were to ask a room full of a hundred people what is the objective of every relationship ninety-nine of them would answer that the objective would be for both people involved to be happy. The one person who would disagree would be the marital therapist, and there lies the paradox that has led to our society having a fifty percent divorce rate. By the way, what percentage of couples in happy relationships seek help with marital therapists?…Hmmm. Anyhow, the psychologist would try to explain to you that happy relationships are the stuff of Hollywood and in reality not possible for ordinary couples. Why? They spend their entire professional careers in the muck of so many relationships on the verge of divorce.


Overview:

Let me begin by introducing myself to you. My name is Tim Kellis, the son of a taxi cab driver and a secretary, born and raised in St. Louis, and as it turns out, struck by fate with the task of solving our relationship struggles. Yes, I too had a difficult childhood. I had parents who were unhappy together, had money worries, raised their children in the best manner that they could, but in what would become the most significant day in my life I overcame that. Yes, I forgave my parents and became myself. As a result, I do not look down on my parents I look up to them. My dad spent twenty-two years of his life making between $10,000 and $12,000 a year but he did it and raised a family. Through his actions he taught his children the significance of hard work. My mom treated us with the old adage “spare the rod, spoil the child,” but she disciplined us. Today as an adult I love my parents.

Fate has tasked me with the objective of helping people in troubled relationships. This was not something I was actively seeking but something that found me. Because I let go of my past I had a very successful professional life but my personal one had to wait thirty-six years before I discovered love, only to travel the depths of hell which led to the motivation behind working on this project. One of my greatest discoveries is that the loss of love within a relationship is really no different than the loss of a loved one through death. The only difference is the path. One happens all at once while the other dies a thousand deaths.

Let’s begin with some preliminaries. To begin with, as you learn and understand what is presented here please keep in mind that I am not being hard on people who spend their lives as therapists. They obviously believe in what they do. They simply have not been equipped with the tools to help people seeking their help. If you were to learn all that is presented here you would understand that their school of thought has developed for hundreds and thousands of years. The message that men and women are different and the path to happiness lies simply in understanding that message defies logic.

To begin with, I am not seeking to discredit Freud, but simply to highlight why his theories have been counterproductive. In addition, I am not discrediting religion but simply pointing out that the message that the path to happiness requires suffering is also counterproductive. From a psychological perspective, though, there is help. Incredibly a man whom Freud once looked to as his son and eventual successor provides us with the most incredible discoveries of the mind. The greatest psychologist who ever lived, Dr. Carl Jung, is the man that provides the most significant key for healing our troubled souls.

To be sure, the path to happiness within the relationship is simple in theory, but obviously much more difficult in practice. Again, we have a fifty percent divorce rate. The first step that is absolutely essential for this journey is that you must be happy with yourself. There is no getting around this fact. Why? If you are not happy with yourself then you expect your partner to make up for your deficiencies. This is the most difficult step, but not an impossible one. In order for you to get to this point does require an understanding of how the mind works and in reality this is really not at all that difficult. If you can achieve personal happiness then the next step becomes significantly easier because happiness within the relationship only requires an understanding of how two people in love are to behave towards each other.

Again, personal happiness requires an understanding of how the mind works. This thought may sound intimidating but it really is not. Below are a few simple concepts of the mind:

Consciousness - Is defined as the seat of the ego, or the conscious part of the self. The self incorporates both consciousness and unconsciousness. The objective of consciousness is balancing the ego, your definition of yourself. Your ego is either imbalanced where you think you are better or worse than others or it is balanced where you realize that you are, well, you. When you realize that you are you then you understand your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

Unconscious - Is defined as the rest of the mind, the seat where everything that is not conscious resides. Your instincts, habits, character traits, knowledge and emotions all reside within the unconscious. In addition, your dream world is a manifestation of your unconscious.

Self - Is defined as the contents of the unconscious and conscious.

Behavior - Is defined as the manner that you conduct yourself.

Character - Is defined as the mental beliefs that drive behavior.

Cognitive behavioral therapy - This method of therapy is used today to treat patients with mental imbalances. Unfortunately, this method is ineffective because it does not get down to the root causes of behavior. In addition, this method is used to explore the logic behind the negative feelings of the individual and the relationship, not the thoughts.

Cognitive character therapy - This method of therapy does help the patient with the mental imbalance understand the root causes of that imbalance. What makes this approach so significant is that it takes into consideration past life experiences that led to the development of the character trait in the first place. At the beginning of our system of democracy the concept of character was well understood by our founding fathers but has been unfortunately lost in modern society. Money and beauty do not define the subjective nature of the self, character does.

Thoughts and feelings - These two concepts makes up the experience of consciousness. As you live your waking days your experiences are defined through the thoughts and feelings behind them.

Americans spend between $8 billion and $12 billion a year on 120 million visits to psychotherapists. There are 149,000 practicing psychologist who make on average between $55,000 to $80,000 a year doling out advice to individuals and couples in a process that the industry regularly admits takes years to accomplish. An established practitioner will make around $200,000 a year or more with his or her practice. A total of 80 million people, or one third of the entire population, “have had some experience with psychotherapy.” The therapy used is referred to as cognitive behavioral therapy, which explores half of the working of the mind, the feeling half.

John Gray, who launched the relationship book genre, sold a total of 17 million copies of his book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. If you think it was because of his platform as a therapist then you may want to rethink this. What made him any different from the other 149,000 therapists? He had a novel title and a novel concept. His entire book tries to rationalize that men and women are different, are from different planets. He tries to explain that as a fact. If you are unhappy in your relationship then you just may as well get over it. This is the message of his book. But he started the quest for the solution. Numerous other authors have published books that have sales exceeding 1 million copies.

There are 2.3 million marriages every year, according to the National Center for Health Statistics, and sadly half of them will end in divorce within five years. The divorce rate doesn’t give us the full picture, though, because the objective is not to keep from getting divorced but figuring out how to be happy within the marriage. Taking this into consideration, the market for this type of relationship book would include almost anyone who has been married at least for the past five years, if not longer.

And then you have Oprah and Dr. Phil. There is a huge entertainment market for trying to understand the question of the relationship. Oprah provides a platform while Dr. Phil “gives” advice. Dr. Phil may think he is helping but he is yet to quite figure it out. He is now a Jerry Springer with a degree. His patients now improve because of the placebo affect his show gives.

Good luck on your journey!