The here-to-forth unsolved relationship problem has been so difficult to comprehend because of the complexity of the solution. The research required for understanding how we are going to solve our divorce problem required well over one hundred books, including nearly two-dozen relationship books. What becomes interestingly clear after such exhaustive research is that nearly all of the topics needed to cover such a vast subject are completely logical in presentation, with one glaring exception! The only genre of books that do not begin and end with a logical flow are the relationship books written by the relationship “experts”.
All of the following topics are recorded in history in a very logical fashion, from inception to the present. The development of our democratic society started with the founding of our country and followed with the struggles as we learned of the errors of the original concept. The racial and sexual prejudices of this original concept struggled through the turmoil of the mid-nineteenth and mid-twentieth century upheavals. The prejudices of wars began with the success of an individual despot, which led to alternate beliefs, then to war. Hitler originally wanted to be an artist but then “got caught up with the wrong bunch of guys”. The story of the development of our educational system started with its need in our democratic society. The Christian religion began with the life of Christ followed by the development of the Church. Our system of capitalism began with the success of the early robber barons, which led to our unprecedented economic growth at the end of the twentieth century. Rockefeller captured the oil refinery process, which led to his control over the oil industry. Gates won that first contract with IBM, which led to the development of Microsoft.
Details:
For reviews of individual books see the bottom of the page or click the links to the right. Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus and Relationship Rescue conclude that men and women are different and, oh well, there is nothing you can do about it. Radical
Honesty is the most illogical book of them all, going so far as to rationalize cheating on your partner. Can Love Last concludes with the scary notion that relationships are dead. Getting To "I Do" concludes that men and women are different and each gets to decide the difference. Getting the Love You Want is one of the few books that discusses the impact of childhood on adults, but the traditional biological conclusion is that, oh well, there is nothing you can do about it. The Mind and the Brain is the only book that describes the working of an active mind, while demonstrating one of the most illogical therapy methods in practice today.
"Even the least knowledge of things superior is of greater value than the most extensive knowledge of things inferior".
- Thomas Aquinas
Books on relationships, on the other hand, try to convince the reader that the “right” relationship, which leads to the proverbial happy ending, requires lovers to be happy and unhappy. There have been no books on relationships that clarify for the reader how to either proceed with a happy relationship or how to change the course of the unhappy relationship. Why? Books written about relationships claim that every relationship includes arguments, as if they have some crystal ball into the life of every relationship. The rest of the logic then follows this fallacy. For a relationship book to succeed at solving this problem the very essence of the logic must directly address the differences between arguments and disagreements.
This conclusion leads to the absence of the two other elements of a successful relationship book, the discussion of the psychology of the relationship and the elaboration of the platform for resolving the differences between the couple, common sense. Amazingly, books written by psychologists do not include a discussion of the psychology of the mind. Why? Freud concluded that the mind is non-existent, which leads to the explanation of why a solution based on thinking has not yet been discovered. Psychology today is based on the feeling side of the psyche alone. To understand this you need to only realize the fundamental element of therapy. “So how does that make you feel?” Why do you think therapy is directed towards women? Historically speaking, women have developed the feeling side of the psyche. From a psychological perspective, when the women’s rights movement of the seventies asked for equality they were asking for equality of the mind. What that means is that the only way to resolve the difficulties of today’s relationships requires the two involved equal access to both feeling and thinking, something not yet understood in psychology.
What is even more amazing, even humorous, about the genre of relationship books is that many of the authors actually reveal in the writing their own insecurities. This, too, started with Freud, which was discovered by a student of his whom he had actually at one time appointed as his replacement, Carl Jung. Freud’s biological conclusion was followed by his theory that all of our psychological problems were sexually based. As Jung stated in his autobiography, “Freud himself had a neurosis…Apparently neither Freud nor his disciples could understand what it meant for the theory and practice of psychoanalysis if not even the master could deal with his own neurosis.” Freud refrained from having sex for long stretches because of his concern of its affect on him. Freud also felt a disdain towards his individual patients and also held contempt for women.
Unfortunately, the experts today continue his practice of hiding their insecurities. Most people become interested in psychology because of their own psychological problems and eventually end up as experts in therapy without any real notion of the path to the solution, to happiness. Once these people become doctors they hide their insecurities behind the cloak of authority. The book The Story of Psychology cites 230 different therapy techniques. No wonder patients are confused. Neither a psychologist, nor many of the psychiatrists practicing marital therapy, could have written this book. (Psychiatrists have medical degrees psychologists do not). The result of one hundred years of research is a therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy that looks at the feelings behind the behavior, but not the source of the behavior. A more common sense approach to therapy would be cognitive character therapy that explores the causes of the behavior.
Relationship books written by these experts believe in the illogical notion that you can have arguments but the key is to keep them in control. They become referees in the battle of the negative relationships by trying to keep the fighting from getting out of hand. They are simply too far removed from the solution. Infidelity is even something they argue may or may not be a problem. They must be joking!
The reality is that the ultimate goal of psychology must be in balancing the ego, the conscious part of the self. The ego in unhappy people is either inflated or deflated. The path to happiness requires balancing the ego. Solving this problem requires someone who understands this common sense notion. Individual happiness is the first step to happiness within marriage. The next step requires an understanding of the common sense way to behave towards each other, and the causes behind this not occurring.
Claudio Naranjo aptly sums up the problem with modern psychotherapy in his groundbreaking book entitled The End Of Patriarchy. As he concludes, “in psychology a lot is learned about behaviorism and not a single thing that helps change people; that is to say, they learn about changing discrete behaviors, but not much about how to change life. Why? Because behaviorism is scientific, it only deals with things that can be measured.” Unfortunately, you cannot measure common sense, or a balanced ego.
Book Reviews
Read Book Reviews:
Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus
By John Gray, PhD.
Relationship Rescue
By Phillip C. McGraw, PhD.
Radical Honesty
By Brad Blanton, PhD.
Can Love Last: The Fate of Romance Over Time
By Steven P. Mitchell, PhD.
Getting To “I Do”, The Secret of Doing Relationships Right
By Patricia Allen, PhD.
Getting The Love You Want, A Guide For Couples
By Harville Hendrix, PhD.
The Mind and The Brain, Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force
By Jeffrey Schwartz, M.D.
Etc.
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